Doggie Alarm

All my life I've loved animals. However, my mom didn't allow indoor animals. So, I was forced to endure the heartache of the short lives of outdoor cats. When I moved out, I knew that I would get an indoor cat as soon as I could...And I did!

My love and rescue of cats continued. My mom once asked me what I would do if I met Mr. Right who didn't want indoor pets. I honestly told her that I wouldn't marry him because he wouldn't be Mr. Right if he didn't want indoor pets. (My hubby ended up having an indoor cat when we got married and we merged into a blended family.)

Fast forward to more recent times:
My hubby brought home our first indoor dog years ago. I was not sure what I would think of the experience. I loved it! Especially when I noticed that my insomnia was greatly reduced. I realized that my inability to sleep was being driven by the fact that I felt my family wasn't "protected" if someone wasn't awake. (I had a traumatic childhood event during the night...with everyone asleep).

My dog came from a shelter. I was helping my sister look for a dog to rescue. What I saw upon opening one of the doors was the dog that I had always wanted. I was SO in LOVE!! My sister gifted him to me for my early birthday present. He's my boy!! I jokingly call him the baby boy that my hubby and I couldn't have.

Over the years, we have rescued/fostered many animals. However, our dogs held onto my heartstrings so tightly that I knew they were my own from the moment I saw them. Each dog that we own is a rescue of some form and each one has some type of issues...allergies, fear/anxiety, vision problems, possible hearing issues, etc. Each dog has also woven themselves into our hearts and is a part of us. Each one holds a special place in our hearts.

Today:
Our mailman came to the door undaunted by the "alarm system" that greeted his arrival. (I usually try to watch for him and go outside to meet him at the vehicle in order to avoid him having to go near the door...but today I was too late.) However instead of shying away from the doggie display, he opened the door. He wasn't scared of them. He didn't seem to be offended by them. He was simply helping someone and they let him.

Most people are "put off" by dogs barking at the door. (Honestly, I don't like them doing it myself.) However, you are someone new/different at their door so they announce your arrival. It's not like they don't throw a party when we get home too.

My mom was one of those people who was scared of my dogs. She judges dogs by looks.  My dogs are bigger than my sister's tiny dogs...so when mine bark it is scary for my mom. My mom loves me. Evidently, she can see how much we love our dogs. She put aside her fears and got to know our dogs. Once she got to know them, she could see their individual personalities.

We had few visitors before we got the dogs...which is one reason we couldn't effectively train a better door response (people just avoided visiting; they aren't "dog people"). Now we have almost none. That's OK with us. We aren't living our lives to please others. We love our dogs and our home is their home!

That display that happens when people come to the door disappears. My dogs eat, sleep, play, love! ♥

My dogs provide me with meaningful interaction with a living being that is pure. They provide me with a level of security that I have found in very few human beings. I don't have to question their love, their loyalty, their motives. I can, without reservation, enjoy them for who they are. This pure and loving bond is something that I crave in my life. As an introvert and a deeply loving human being, I can be easily exhausted by the meaningless chatter and superficial friendships of the world. Too many people expect others to be what they want them to be.

My dogs just want to be loved.
No wonder we are so happy together.
We have the same goal...to love and be loved! ♥

Resolutions - Lydia

Since this is the time that you hear talk of New Year's resolutions, I've got an accomplishment story for you.

Meet my friend, Lydia!
Lydia started 2013 with a resolution to run. Yep, she made the decision to run in a race per month. Twelve months later, she is a success story!!
When she contacted me with the idea of a photo shoot to celebrate her accomplishments, I was so excited! First, I was so proud of her for accomplishing her goal. Second, what a great idea to celebrate! :)

Congratulations, Lydia!!! I hope you have just as much success in 2014!

Did I mention that she ran a few with the cutest running parners!?

I cried today

Today, I cried.
From deep down inside my heart, I cried.

For those of us who value that responsibility, the burdens of motherhood are sometimes heavy.

When my first child was born, I was young and nervous. However, once I got past the initial nerves, I felt pretty confident in my parenting skills. After all, she was a lot like me and my parents did a good job!
I, sometimes, had to step out of my comfort zone for beauty pageants and social activities. But, overall, I was pretty comfortable until the rebellious teenage years. And, what parent is comfortable then, right?
Was I perfect? No way. Did I feel like a failure sometimes? Absolutely. But with every failure, there was recovery. I picked myself up and kept on going. I didn’t stay in the pit. I got back up, knowing that I had done my best, and moved on.

Then came my second child. She was always an original...marching to her own special beat even before she was born. :)
She made her appearance a few weeks early. Delivery wasn’t smooth. (I suppose it’s never a good thing to hear the doctor yell, “stat!”)  Fortunately, I am here to write this now.
Unfortunately, my new baby girl was struggling to breathe. She was put in an oxygen tent but it wasn’t enough. She needed to be transferred to a bigger hospital with a NICU.
She was born on the Friday before Mother’s Day. I spent Mother’s Day wishing that I could hold my newborn baby. It was tough watching her struggle. Little did I know that this was only the beginning.

Since then, we’ve faced lots of challenges and we continue to overcome obstacles slowly but surely.
During all of this, I have been my child’s biggest advocate…building her up, protecting her, encouraging her and trying my best to teach her by immersing myself in her world.

All that comes with a heavy price, especially when you are a mom AND a perfectionist. You see, perfectionism doesn’t mean that SHE has to be perfect. It means that I have an inner drive telling ME that I must be as perfect as I can, which is probably not perfect enough. My failures are magnified.
In motherhood, that manifests itself a lot in the blame game. What am I doing wrong? How am I failing my child? Why can’t I see the right direction? Why can’t I be better!?

With the testing misdiagnosis, I became quite discouraged as to where to turn for help. I was in the pit.
Fortunately, God put someone in my life who had the knowledge I needed for guidance and someone who was able to gain my trust.
After talking to this person last night for some direction, I woke today feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders…

…And then it hit me like a ton of bricks!!  The emotion of relief flooded my eyes with tears. Why was I being so hard on myself?!

(I can’t even write this part without crying…)

For this first time in YEARS, I could stop questioning “Why can‘t I make it better?” and I can see that it is better! I don’t have to feel guilty that I am not doing right and I can see where I am doing right. I can see that instead of questioning why I am not doing more, I can see how much I have done.

The tears fall from deep within…a raw emotional hurting part of my heart. What I asked for was direction. What a got was freedom from a heavy burden! 

This is a quick snapshot but I thought it was so fitting.  We were rushing out the door to get to a 4-H Regional competition but she stopped to draw the roses.  How beautiful is that??!! :)

Halloween, Fall/Harvest Festival...Whatever you call it...I call it Family Fun!

When I was a kid, I remember going a few places to get candy on the night of October 31. It wasn't really a big deal. Quite frankly, being forced to suffer through wearing those hot cheap plastic masks where you had to be stuck with the dampness of your own breath pressing against you wasn't my idea of a good time. Of course, my parents weren't into the whole thing so it wasn't very important anyway.

Then I got to be the parent! :)

I am dramatic by nature. By that I mean, I LOVE to dress up in characters, love being onstage (or pretty much anywhere that I can be a character) and I have a huge imagination when it comes to dressing up. The one thing that I didn't have was money...But I wasn't going to let a little thing like that stop me. Besides, buying a costume at the store meant that you were dressed just like someone else...and I didn't want to be like anybody else! :) So...The tradition started...
My kids have rarely had bought outfits. Their outfits have been made, pieced together and/or gathered on a minimum budget. It started out with the love of a Momma wanting her children to enjoy the fun of dressing up as a favorite character even when I couldn't afford anything. My kids have always seemed to enjoy their creative costumes. If they ever felt bad about it, then it didn't show. In fact, they seem(ed) quite proud to show off their "original" looks.
The kids had their costumes. I had my costume. And, over the years, we were able to convince Daddy to join the show. The holiday became less about the holiday or the candy and more about the family experience. When my youngest daughter got her dog, our list of characters expanded. She insisted that her dog needed a costume as well. And, if her dog had a costume, then the others needed a costume too. (Didn't want anyone to be jealous, right?) So, as our family expanded so did our celebration!

My youngest daughter has had lots of challenges in life. She's extremely creative and talented...although most people never get to see it.
Each year, she gets to pick a character for Mommy to transform her into. (One year she even developed her very own character and I made her vision come to life.) It's so much fun to watch her eyes the first time she tries on the outfit and looks in the mirror! She literally lights up and, at the moment, every hand-stitch is more than worth it! My daughter has a very limited emotional set but, as she sees herself as her hero/favorite animal/etc., I see a spark that is absolutely priceless!

Some years, we do several outfits...which is LOTS of work! This year, she wanted only one...
Even though I had already picked out characters for her Hubby and me, my youngest daughter came up with the idea of superheros. She wanted to be her favorite superhero and her dog would be the sidekick.

The challenge was issued. It was a challenge indeed. #1...We had no budget for this endeavor (as in almost nothing to spare at all). But, there was also the challenge of finding seven superheros that would fit the need. Yes, I said seven! The three of us and then we can't forget the dogs! I went to work finding scraps of material around the house...things that I could destroy in the name of creativity...cardboard, old headbands, toilet paper rolls, old costumes, etc. I gathered together everything that I could find and pushed my creativity to meet the challenge. I ended up needed to purchase only a few items...some small felt pieces, a remnant of red material, some gold ribbon and glue sticks (I ran out!). Then, there were a few clothing items that were purchased and can be worn again...a Superman shirt, red leggings and a red shirt. I think that's everything. I managed to spend so very little...even my hubby was nice enough to expand my budget if I needed. However, I insisted that I do everything on the tightest budget possible. I was a woman on a mission!

I usually schedule a "photo shoot" on October 31. Since the weather is forecasting bad weather, we went ahead and quickly got our costumes on for some very quick photos (before I had to rush somewhere else...covered in glitter...lol!) just in case we didn't get to get anymore later. There are still a few finishing touches that need to be done but you get the idea.

So here's this year's cast of characters ~

I have NO IDEA why this is blue here...It's totally black on my computer and other places.  It looks NOTHING like this!!  :/

Straight from a mother's heart

As my darling daughter sleeps, I am sitting here thinking over how I can make her life better. With tears in my eyes, I overview the past few years and recall the issues that cause my pain. My daughter is different. She learns differently. She acts differently. She is uniquely herself! :)

You see, her learning disabilities were evident to me early. It took me awhile to convince my husband that they were there. Then there was the road to a diagnosis. We had to deal with an inconsiderate teacher who had been informed that we were seeking medical answers for our daughter's learning style but still felt it appropriate to keep harping on the fact that our daughter was "in the bottom of the class," while my daughter played only a few feet away. Then we had to go through a series of all-day tests only to find out that the diagnosis we were given was useless (ADHD with math deficiency). I knew it was wrong. I had experience with ADHD children and knew that wasn't the issue. Our families didn't see it. I was told by one person that I just needed to accept the fact that she wasn't perfect accept the diagnosis. I guess, the fact that I excelled at learning and was raising an older daughter, who was in gifted classes, gave them the right (in their opinion) to (incorrectly) judge my motivation. Who said she wasn't perfect? She was to me! She was perfect just like she was and I wanted the key into her world!!
When I presented our regular doctor with the results, she agreed. She suggested dyslexia. Her office tried to find a way to get her tested and diagnosed officially but the very expensive and hours away testing centers didn't accept our insurance (I hear this is quite common.). It didn't matter. After an indepth study of dyslexia, I cried. The information described her learning so perfectly.
By this point we had decided that homeschooling was best. We had watched our vibrant happy daughter disappear into a shell that didn't even include talking to us. Homeschooling has been such a blessing! I am a former teacher so I had to push myself to combine what I knew with the unknown of a new style of learning. I accepted the challenge with conviction and enjoyed seeing the beauty of every success no matter how big or small.

Now we are once again faced with a challenge. Life has never been easy for my precious one. My heart aches as I see other developmental differences that I feel can no longer be contributed to simply shyness. So, once again, I am faced with the search for another key.
 I feel so alone. It's not that my hubby doesn't support me...but I am the one with the education in this area...I am the one who is with her most of the time...I am the one charged with opening the doors. Sometimes I feel that all I can do is pray... The weight is so much that I don't know what else to do. I feel like the weight of her future is crushing down on my shoulders and I struggle to keep moving forward.

It is this background that leaves me feeling excluded from the world. Everything moves at a different pace for my daughter and me. I immerse myself in her world...and when she is alone...I am alone...

I really wish those around me understood that.

Dear People,

While you were applauding your child for making the football team, cheerleading squad, dance troupe, acting ensemble, pageant winner...I wish you had taught your children to accept those who are different...to embrace the individuality of others...to reach out to those who seem lost. I wish you had taught your child to be kind and see value in those who are unique (in ways that the world might not appreciate) while you were teaching your child to excel where all can see their success.
Instead, you have taught your child to follow the leader. You have taught your child that different is only good when you are better than others. 

I made it a point to teach my oldest daughter not to judge a book by its cover. I taught her not to treat others unkindly because of their clothing, their accent, their skin color or the fact that they were shy. I taught her to appreciate diversity rather than shun it.

You see, I've seen my youngest daughter around others. I've seen how she doesn't follow the crowd so she is left behind. I watch her play by herself and no one reach out to include her. Not only have I watched that, dear adults, but I've seen the looks that I get from you. The looks that scoff me for not raising my daughter to be like everyone else. (Not that I could do that with her unique personality) The looks that blame me because she doesn't act like what they think she should. The looks that label me unfriendly because I don't join in idle chatter...when at that time, it may be that I am the only one befriending my daughter.

Even those who call themselves Christian had rather turn their heads than open their hearts...

My heart aches that WE can't be accepted for who we are. My heart aches that others can't see the wonderful beauty who is my daughter. My heart aches that I can't give her a world that is more friendly to her uniqueness.

My tears flow not because she is different...but because, unfortunately, the world is not...

Signed: A mother's heart 

One Week

Well, Boston has been with us for two weeks now. :)

Here's a recap of Week One.
So what has Boston been doing???? 

Playing with Mommy

Hanging out with Daddy

Dragging toys all over the house :)

Chewing on sticks

And digging...but this is not an approved activity :/

Most of all, he's adjusting wonderfully to his new family and we are enjoying having him!  I think he's taken just fine to the spoiling that he gets as part of our household.  :)

Boston Dillinger

Introducing our new addition...our Boston Dillinger! :)

With my hubby's 15 year old lab mix getting near then end of his life, we had talked about the addition of another dog. (My sister got me a dog after my cat of 11 years was diagnosed with kidney failure and not expected to live long. My cat lasted six months and my dog was such a comfort when I had to let her go. From a personal perspective, I wanted that kind of comfort for my hubby who was already struggling with the thoughts of letting go.)
We discussed many breeds...We discussed gender, color, personality...We wanted to find the perfect fit. We finally decided that we would get a boston terrier. My hubby had owned a boston mix before and I thought they were adorable so that decision was made. Then we decided on a male...since we've had better experiences with male dogs. We even decided on the name...Dillinger...unique and very masculine. :)
It would be several months before we would be able to add to our family. After all, finding a boston terrier to adopt was proving to be next-to-impossible...with all their hoops to jump through, the distances and the long line of adopters. There was always the breeder route...which we looked into too. I personally wasn't wanting a puppy since I didn't want to go through that stage...but my hubby disagreed there...So that one was kinda undecided. Whatever the case, all of them would require money that we don't have to spend right now so we were content to wait.
That was until my hubby saw a litter of cute little beagle mix puppies. (No, beagles weren't even on our list. And we don't even know what the daddy is.) The mother dog had been abandoned while pregnant. A stray, she found shelter in the form of a neighbor's porch. My hubby told me about the litter and how cute they were. I reminded him that beagles weren't the type of dog that we were looking for (there were several reasons that I had NOT to have a beagle) and this would be our last dog for a long time so we needed to be picky. But he couldn't stop thinking about one of the pups in particular. He was even more concerned when he was told that the mother dog was gone...It was suspected that she was killed. I finally told him that I would support whatever decision he made. He came home several days empty handed. I had come to the conclusion that he had decided not to get one of the abandoned pups when he showed up with an adorable little handful of cuteness!

Here are some images from his first night with us...

When Boston had just arrived, this is the first image I took.  I didn't even have my camera settings the way I wanted but I quickly snapped the shot knowing that it would be a moment to remember.

Asleep in his new "Daddy's" arms. :)

So adorable from head to spotted toes! :)

Randomness:
 *I had joked that we could always get a black/white dog and name it Boston if we couldn't get a boston terrier...So we combined Boston with the name that we were going to use for our boston terrier, Dillinger...and he became "our Boston Dillinger."
*His exact age is not known but we believe him to be about 7 weeks when he came to live with us last week...which would make him a whopping 8 weeks old now.
*He doesn't look like a beagle puppy...so I get lots of strange looks when I tell people he's a beagle mix. 
*Boston is fitting into our family wonderfully! He and my hubby seemed to have an immediate bond.
*I can see how happy Boston makes my hubby and that makes me happy.
*Although he is starting to show his little stubborn side, his personality is mostly sweet and easy-going.
*He's proving to be a very smart little one.
*He's a little thing. :)
*He found a pillow and claimed it when he got here. It says "Angel."
*This week he showed me his new skill...digging. :/
*There wasn't a lot about him that fit "my list"...but I love him anyway! ♥