Now rest, my sweet boy...
Spook was my hubby's dog, the last of the three pets we owned prior to marriage. My hubby got to experience 16 years with the lab mix puppy that brought home after going permanent at his job. Although he thought he was getting a full black lab, he just never grew into that. He looked like a lab but he was smaller. For that reason, I called him a miniature lab. :)
A SLOW JOURNEY.
A few years ago, we knew that Spook wasn't well. He began having seizures/mini-strokes. He developed arthritis. He would go on binges of not eating. He lost weight. He shrank in size. He stumbled around when he walked. He lost part of his hearing as well as most of his sight. The vet got us on a treatment schedule where we were able to regain some ground but it was obvious that he was growing weary.
At first, he would let me see how sick he was but pretend nothing was wrong when my hubby was around. During that time he would have me hold him. This was unusual since (although I'd loved and cared for him as long as he'd lived with us) he made it very clear that my hubby was #1 in his eyes. Even though I hated that he was sick, I grew to adore, in a way, those moments of connecting with him. .
Unfortunately, those moments didn't last. As the end grew near, he developed dementia. Sometimes he looked at me with confusion as if he didn't know who I was. On one bad day, he even looked at me terror (bringing me to tears). This disease became an emotional struggle as I wanted to stay connected with him so bad but that was slipping away..
For awhile, the "good days" outnumbered the "bad days." He would have spells where things were bad but he'd bounce back and be almost like his old self again. He hadn't given up his desire to chase the cats or roll in the grass. :) Then the bad days started gaining on the good days. He stopped eating again. So, I started cooking for him in an effort to get him to eat. That worked for a little while..
We were all set to enjoy 4th of July weekend, when Spook got sick again. He was having a rough weekend, but we'd seen him do that many times over the past two years. The ups and downs had led us on this emotional roller coaster ride. With that ride, we had developed a continual hope for the good to follow the bad. This time that wasn't going to happen....
LAST DAYS.
We realized that he was slipping away and this time was different..
On Monday, Spook was walking toward his favorite spot in the grass when he suddenly stopped. He turned his head looking confused and unable to complete his journey. Then he collapsed. Scooping his frail frame into my arms, I carried him the rest of the way. (I frequently would carry him when he couldn't go.).
I placed him on the soft grass and watched as his body gave in to his poor condition. I could see that the fight was gone from his eyes. All I saw was exhaustion. I retrieved a blanket for him to rest on (the grass or grass bugs had always made him itch after awhile). Putting myself next to him, I cried. .
Through the emotional pain, my photographer instincts kicked in. If I only had a little while left with him, I wanted to capture as much as I could. So, I went inside to grab my camera. For the rest of the afternoon, I alternated between comforting him when he was awake, allowing streams of tears to roll down my face and photographing every little thing I didn't want to let go of about him. His salt-and-pepper paws, his whitened muzzle, his tail (that had always wagged happily when he ate), the uneven tip of his tail, his paw pads so rough and aged, his lab profile, his floppy ears that were so soft. I tried my best to capture it all the best I could despite the emotional turmoil of the moment..
He barely lifted his head from that point forward. His breathing became labored. It was obvious that he was struggling. So, we spent that night making him as comfortable as we could, showering him with love and saying our goodbyes....
The next morning, my hubby made the call that he was hoping he wouldn't have to make. My daughter said her last goodbyes. As she sat beside him, Spook managed to somehow find the energy to lift himself enough to drop his upper body into her lap...One last expression of the love he had for her..
I finally loaded him into the car seat beside me and gave him his last ride. Over the next hour or so, many tears were shed as my hubby and I watched him leave us. I held onto his finally relaxed body as my hubby prepared a final resting place.
It was a relief to no longer see pain written all over his face.
It was a comfort to know that he could rest now.
It was a blessing to have been his family.
It was the end...The end of a beautiful loving journey with a very special friend.
In Memory of:
Spook "Jumpy" (Summer 1998 - July 8, 2014)
